I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
