Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
