Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
