okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
