so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
