I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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