Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
