Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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