If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
