she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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