Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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