I'm going to jail i love you
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize