Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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