we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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