She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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