i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You're like the curious george of whores
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
