I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
