Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
