Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
