I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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