thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
