Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
