I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
