Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
