I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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