something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
