You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
