chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
