you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
