And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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