yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
