You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
