i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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