She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
