He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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