my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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