Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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