Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
