Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize