I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
