How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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