when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
