I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she told me i tasted like america
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
