i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
