my soul wont recognize me after tonight
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
