FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
