I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
