i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
