mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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