Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
