there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
