Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
