I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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