If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
