do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
