u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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