Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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