so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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