I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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