Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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