whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
