trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
