Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
