All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
