I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
