So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
