He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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