I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
