you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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