Dual....:-)
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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