All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I died a long time ago.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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