I think I won the penis lottery.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
