i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
