fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
