Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
