I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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