I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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