so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
